Has The Apocalypse Arrived At Valhalla?

Is this what the apocalypse looks like? Is Valhalla, Louisville’s premier sports venue for the autumn, finally living up to its name?

I’m compelled to ask after observing the reaction of Louisville upon receiving the news that He Who Would Be The Tiger won’t be coming to the Ryder Cup.

Trevor Tops Tiger — Tres Disappointment!

Competitive professional golf is a curious spectator sport. It’s the only one that I can think of where the fan without a genuine emotional rooting interest cheers for the favorite rather than the underdog.

Which means if there’s no guy in the hunt who grew up down the street or working in the pro shop at your country club, you tend to root for . . . Tiger Woods.

It is so odd.

Yo, Cards Fans: Cut The Rick Some Slack

Some Louisville Cardinal fans won’t give it up.

Rick Pitino was once Big Blue. And once a Cat always a Cat is a mantra for many.

So, in some red & black households, the U of L’s coach remains unloved, his coaching prowess in question. Especially when he’s compared with his beloved predecessor Denny Crum. The Rick’s strategic bench art — or lack thereof, according to this segment of Cardinaldom — remains a sore point.

Be Wise, Cards Fans. Be Insured.

It’s season ticket insurance time for Cardinal fans.

The U of L is resurgent. Be wise. Be insured. Pay the premium now.

This perhaps confusing concept has been a running stream of consciousness for a cadre of inveterate Cards fans for decades now. It started when the program became a national player, when the school kicked it up a notch during the invigorating uptick of the 1970s.

Hope Returns For The U of L

Forgive old-time Cardinal fans if it all seemed a flashback. Old-timers meaning those who not only know about Peck Hickman but saw him coach. This was Ed Kallay time one more once.

Not Ed Kallay, the former U of L radio play-by-play announcer, but Uncle Ed Kallay in the Magic Forest with sidekicks Tom Foolery and Sylvester the Duck on “Funny Flickers.” Because playing out before these fans was Keystone Kops befuddlement, guys aimlessly running back and forth, seemingly devoid of direction.

Super Bowl Is A Chip Shot Away

We will gather. Yes, of course, we will.

It is our annual rite. Our right inalienable.

We will eat chips. Tons of chips. Corn. Potato. And dips. Guacamole, lots of guacamole. So much that one of us, the guy in the corner with green dribbles down his sweater, will mention how there’s more avocados sold this weekend than the rest of the year combined. Or something like that.

Cards Go “Extreme Makeover: Defense Edition”

When it comes to adding value, nothing fills the bill like an Extreme Makeover. Ask the family of Patrick Henry Hughes.

He’s the locally renowned, blind and disabled member of the U of L marching band. Thanks to “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition,” the family is enduring extreme tax addition. Their real property assessment is thrice what it was before Ty Pennington and his phalanx of hammer wielders showed up for the redo.

Hughes’ beloved Cardinal pigskinners, looking for a similar bump, took notice.

Call it “Extreme Makeover: Defense Edition.”

The Game - It’s The Only Place To Be

My future brother-in-law sidled up to me Christmas Eve at the family gathering. Surrounded by the detritus of wrapping paper, he looked me in the eye and accused me — good-naturedly, I think — of, well, his words: “You’re brainwashing my daughter.”

Can We Get A Medic????

Where’s the M*A*S*H unit when we really need it?  The homies are wounded, hardly walking for heaven’s sake, let alone ballin’ like they should.

Oh, that’s right, Hawkeye and Trapper John are off playing golf, those scoundrels. Well, here’s hoping they get back quick. They’d better. Hot Lips needs help. Send a copter for them.

Otherwise March Madness be March Sadness ‘round here.

21st Century Schizoid Man On The Couch

Robert, we’ve been sitting here 20 minutes. Besides mumbling about “crossing patterns,” all you’ve done is doodle on a pad and write down names. Would you like to share?

It’s Bobby, not Robert. Nobody calls me Robert. Nobody has ever called me Robert. Understand?

B. Young Lesson For Cards In Vegas

It is the nature of the place, Las Vegas. With arid desert sprawling in all directions and a grand canyon in one of such magnificence it’s hard to fathom it was created in just one day, the area was discovered to be an oasis centuries ago by Spaniards traveling north from Tejas. The area has always been about survive and advance.

The Vegas of dumbfounding excess, the Vegas that turned the seven deadly sins into a design for glitzkrieg business success, that Vegas the world has come to know is but 50 years old.

Find Shelter From The Storm

Each of us must have a quiet place, a safe and solemn refuge. A go-to spot where we can chill. Always, but especially in this summer of our discontent.

It should be handy, a room at home away from family tumult, or a sanctuary of sorts but a short stroll away, a getaway for decompression and contemplation.