Church is great, but I found my church here. Hugh Hefner has been nothing but a gentleman.
- Jessica Hahn

The Best Film You’ve Never Seen

I thought I read the words of my title — The Best Film You’ve Never Seen — in a review somewhere of Romance & Cigarettes.

But, after watching this incredible and incredibly unique masterpiece on DVD which the Film Babe got from NetFlix, I went back and read the reviews where I thought I’d viewed the line. Ebert perhaps. Stephen Holden in the New York Times. Salon maybe.

But no. They weren’t there. Though those salient film observers all agreed with each other. And me. That this film never got a serious studio release, that you’ve probably never heard of it, is a major travesty.

It’s a musical.

It’s a comedy.

It’s a true-to-life romance.

It’s a fantasy.

It’s emotions are more real and more raw than thousands of films foisted on us through the decades.

It is also indescribable. So I shan’t attempt to do so. My only prayer is that I’ve whetted your appetite enough to put it in your NetFlix queue. Or to head up to Wild & Woolly and rent it. If they have it. If not, to demand that they get it.

The movie features — big breath here — James Gandolfini, Susan Sarandon, Steve Buscemi, Mary-Louise Parker, Elaine Stritch, Aida Turturro, Mandy Moore, Eddie Izzard . . . pause . . . Amy Sedaris, Bobby Cannavale, Christopher Walken and Kate Winslet, she in a role so enterprising and potty mouthed and unique you won’t be able to shake her image for days.

The movie was written and directed by the inimitable John Turturro. It is set in the Queens of his childhood. Gandolfini and Sarandon are husband and wife. He’s had an affair with Winslet. The film ensues. And, well, that’s about all I’m going to tell you.

Okay a little more. There is dancing. There is song, everything from Englebert Humperdink to James Brown. There is, oh well, enough, I’m not going to carry on any further.

The film hit the festival circuit in ‘05. It was to be released last year, in ‘07. The studios got cold feet. Is it the sexuality? The potty mouth dialog? The offbeatness? All of the above? Whatever, it played New York only a week or so, and only a couple of other locales. Turturro was forced to distribute, or attempt to distribute it, himself. If finally made it to DVD release a couple of weeks ago.

Bottom line: If you care about cinema, if you want to be entertained, if you want to see great actors performing with craft and glee, if you are tired of the same ol’ same ol’, see Romance & Cigarettes.

Like I — or somebody — said, it’s the best film you’ve never seen . . . yet.

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