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“The L Word” — Lame or Loser or Both?

It is easy to understand the popularity of “The L Word.” Theoretically, of course.

A healthy segment of the American populace adores looking at attractive women without their clothes on, watching them making love, making sex, making eyes at their girlfriends’ girlfriends and generally carrying on as people love their soap opera stars to do.

The Showtime series opened season #5 Sunday night.

It was — cutting right to the chase — B*O*R*I*N*G.

Seriously, egregiously, dull.

The Film Babe, who had never seen the show, turned to me as the credits rolled and asked what I thought. Not holding back my yawns, I, who hadn’t seen the show since it’s breakout premier season, offered that the episode really wasn’t much good. “I almost fell asleep.” She readily agreed. “Is that all there is?”

Shane, the serially polygamous hairdresser, had made it with every bridesmaid at a straight wedding, including the mother of the bride. And almost with the bride herself until Shane, struck with a moment of reality, offered advice instead. After each gal discovered the others’ peccadilloes, they chased our favorite hairdresser with the oh-so-hip shag doo, until she jumped into a sports car and sped away. Roll credits.

Which scene I saw only partially through my heavy, pretty much full closed eyelids.

One of the characters is in prison. She is incarcerated for reasons I don’t understand, because, as I said, it’s been several years since I saw the show. Of course, there’s the gratuitous shower scene, the point of which I’m so very sure is that all women are beautiful, even if they are obese or too skinny. Then she makes it with her cellmate.

The one character that’s always gotten to me is Jenny. Not really for the characterization. I just have always had a thing for Mia Kirshner, since she was featured in Atom Egoyan’s film, “Exotica.” The truth is that Jenny is a selfish, pompous bitch. What I recall from the first season is that realization played out slowly and with subtlety. Not anymore. Now that Jenny’s a successful author and ready to make a movie within the series, she’s become a caricature. Tis most disheartening.

Then there’s the influx of big stars since the first season. The point of which seems to be that it’s okay to play lesbian or bisexual. There’s Jaycee from “The Last Picture Show” for heaven’s sake — Cybill Shepherd. And Marlee Matlin. Jennifer Beals is still about. Pam Grier also.

Anyway, there’s one thing I know for sure. Around my hacienda, despite the obvious opportunity on a weekly basis to see attractive women flash their ta tas and have faux sex right there on my very own HDTV, “The L Word” will not be a Sunday night must see. Like “Sex In The City” except with flesh on display and actual sex scenes, this one is much ado about very very little.

The show thinks far too much of itself and it shows. Like “Desperate Housewives,” it proves that there must be more than outrageous behavior for its own sake. Otherwise these series grind down until it’s nothing but a yawn and a click to see if there’s not something more titillating on one of the other channels.

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